Struggling to Understand My Unseen Obstacles

As you all know, I've been away from the family for quite some time now. If I were single this might be easier but its not easy being away for months at a time... as others in the family know all too well already. I just found out yesterday that it might even be longer than the end of March (like I thought) before I get to head home. Here's why...

If you didn't read Katie's blog I'll fill ya in. Last weekend I got really sick (its normal out here with the standard of living). I had just left dinner and went to the store with some friends and when I got there I felt like a sponge that was still balled up tight getting the water wrung out of me. A pretty chilly wind didn't help matters much. I got that deep and dull ache in my bones feeling and decided to hurry home. The rest of that evening had me shivering up a storm. I had a bad case of the chills and slept in my sleeping bag wearing socks, sweat bottom and top, and my PT felt cap. I woke up a bit sweaty, as expected, but felt like I was doing 100 times better than how I felt the night before.

I ended up getting up and getting ready for formation that morning expecting to enjoy another day of my weekend. Not so. About 5-10 minutes into formation I felt my blood pressure shoot through the roof and grabbed hold of my buddy's coat sleeve in front of me. I managed to make it through that syncopal (fainting) episode where my vision went fuzzy and then completely dark for a few seconds but realized that my body wasn't in as good of shape as I had predicted earlier. Here's what I was told happened next... I felt the pressure rise again and I grabbed hold of the coat sleeve in front of me. A friend of mine who was watching said that my eyes just rolled into the back of my head after that, my body just locked up and I passed out. I managed to get caught on the way down (unlike my last episode like this my freshman year of highschool) and came to about 10 or so seconds later. I was told while I was passed out that I started asking questions like "What happened?" and "Where am I?" and "Is everything alright?". When I came to the sergeant on duty was leaning over me and asked if I was alright and if I'd been drinking. I told him I felt pretty sick (you usually do after coming to from a fainting spell) and told him I don't drink. I stood up and thought I'd be fine until I had a couple buddies grab a hold of me and lead me to the back of the formation and sit me down because I looked like I might try pulling that stunt again.

Due to that incident I ended up going to the ER and hanging out there for most of the day while I got checked on. During that time I slept uncomfortably as I tried to find a comfortable sitting position in the bed that wasn't putting all my weight on my lower back. They checked me for influenza and ran a few tests/labs on me. Lets just say some labs were pretty invasive and I hope I don't have to go through that again anytime soon. I got released later Sunday afternoon (I was received early Sunday morning at the ER) after being their guinea pig for about 7 hours or so. Turns out I didn't have influenza but was told I had some nasty virus going around. I was given my medicine and told all I could do was ride it out. Little did I know what kind of affect that would have on me once I got back to the company. Oh yeah... while I was there they noticed the subtle murmur in my heart and some oddities on my EKG too. They got me set up for a cardio appointment that is currently set for Feb. 23.

I went to the clinic the next morning for sick call and was issued a profile that prevented me from doing anything until I was checked out from the cardio appt. I've enjoyed the last few days of not having to do PT and letting my body slowly get better.

So far so good, right? Wrong. Yesterday was my first day of the Whiskey side of training for me. I have only a few short weeks on this side and then I'm done. My instructors asked if anyone had any profiles and I handed mine in. Shortly after lunch I was taken aside to talk to the Senior Instructor of our classes. Due to the stressful environments I'll be introduced to on this side of training I was told that I would now be a medical holdover. What that means is that I currently cannot participate in class and just hang around the company area until I've been seen for my appointment with cardio. Thats currently 3 weeks away and will end up sending me to another company when I'm cleared. That means I'll be away from family for quite a bit longer than we thought I would be and its eating me up inside. I don't want to wait any longer to finish my training and make it back home to my sweet family.

With that said, there is a chance that my sergeant is going to try to up my appointment to as soon as possible... Monday if I'm lucky. Cardio will do the same thing to me that the civilian side did to me before Salt Lake County allowed me to be hired on with them. They are concerned with my health... which I know there is nothing wrong with me since I've had this slight irregular pulse (due to my little murmur) for as long as I can remember. I don't know what to do about it except hope that I can get it taken care of quickly and move on with training. I don't care to be here for who knows how long while the Army takes its sweet time checking me out and deciding on what they want to do with me. I'll keep you posted as to what happens and any changes that take place but all I ask is that you keep me in your thoughts and prayers (Katie and Caleb too) and that things will work out the way that they should and that we'll be able to handle whatever situation arises from this.

Just when I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel I have an obstacle set in front of me. I hope I can deal with it rationally and see it for the obstacle it is and know that I will eventually get back home to be with my family... just not as quickly as I had hoped after these last few long months have kept me away from them. I also hope that Katie will be able to manage that much longer with me gone and we'll get through this intact.

As we've both said to each other before... this time and distance sure has made our hearts grow fonder. Now its time for my heart to grow stronger as I prepare myself to overcome this unforseen obstacle.

Good Things Come to Those Who Don't Think They Know Enough

Yup! I stepped up to the plate and sent the ball flying out of the park. A grand slam on all accounts for me. Let me tell you why...

I joined the Army obviously with the intentions of better providing for my family but had my doubts as to how well I'd do in one of the hardest MOSs in the military (68W has a huge dropout rate). Needless to say I passed every single one of my tests on the first go and am still planning on keeping that up.

A few weeks ago we had our All Skills practical (hands on) to see how well we learned in our classes and to make sure we knew what we were doing. I psyched myself out for some of those but, in the end, shouldn't have been so nervous because I did just fine and passed all six of my assessments easily as well. The one part of the testing routine that really gave me the jitters and kept me entirely too antsy was the NREMT (National Registry for Emergency Medical Technicians). This test basically shows how much you really know and whether or not you end up getting EMT qualified.

I took the test (all 70 questions for me) in about 55 minutes and didn't even care to think about it after I had finished because I knew I'd likely trip out as to whether or not I'd done well. What normally happens after any other test is that our instructor calls the names out of those that failed so they can be counselled and retake the test. Well, my name was the first one called out and I was really nervous. My heart was pounding excessively, noticably out of my chest in my opinion, and I went and took a seat next to my instructor. He told me to relax and congratulated me because I was the very first one with positive results back on my test. I PASSED!!! He had me help him type in the rest of the class info, person by person, to check how everyone else had done. When all was said and done we had about a 68% pass overall in our class and an astounding 74% or so pass rate company-wide.

I felt so much relief and didn't have to worry about studying to retake the test. Its an honest blessing that I've done as well as I have and I only continue to keep this habit up. Now don't go thinking I've grown out of my procrastination phase that I had throughout school and college... I still wait til the end sometimes to get things done and to study. This time though I think I had a greater motivation than I ever have had in the past: Katie and Caleb. They've been my deciding factor and personal drive the entire time I've been gone and they are obviously doing me well. Not only do I have them but I had great instructors too that really made things easy to understand and always went out of their way to help me understand what I wasn't quite grasping.

I'm one happy man and excited to move on and see what else is out there for me. Just a few short weeks left to go and I'll be back home where I belong! Or so I thought... but thats a different story for a different time. Lets just say it all began with the weekend after the NREMT test and I'll fill ya in soon enough...

Home for the Holidays

After four and a half months I finally have the opportunity to return home and spend some much needed time with my sweet little family! Its been a day I've been looking forward to since the day I shipped off for basic training on August 6th. What I hated about that day was the Army's way of going about their busisness... their "hurry up and wait" business. My flight took off at 0730 that morning and I had to be up and downstairs, ready to go, at 0330 that morning. There was plenty of standing around and too much waiting before th bus finally came to take us to the airport. Don't worry... I got plenty of sleep on the way home.

I arrived in SLC right on time and caught up with my recruiter at the baggage claim area. My luggage was one bag but it was pretty darn heavy with everything I had put in it. Luck was on my side and the bag didn't show up. One less thing for me to have to lug around. It showed up later that night though. So that delayed me some to getting home and catching up with my wonderful family. Katie kept calling and asking where I was and I just told her I was on my way and I'd get to the school as quickly as I could. I arrived there around 1300 hours (1pm) and went straight in to go catch Katie but was quickly intercepted by her room mom and another mother helping out with the class on the last day before vacation. All of Katie's kids were excited to see me, at least to my knowledge, and were as anxious as Katie was. After all the introductions in the hallway I walked in while my sweetheart was in the middle of reading a story to her class. She immediately stopped, lips trembling, and walked across the room to give me the greatest hug of my life!

After hanging out in the classroom for a few minutes, my sweet Katie gave me the boot. Not because I had been naughty or anything but because I had to go dress up as St. Nick himself! Katie got me caught up in that a day or two before I came home saying no one else would do it so I told her, if it would make her and the class happy, I'd happily succumb to her wishes and dress up in the great big Santa suit. As you are all well aware I don't have an excessively obese body so fitting in that suit was quite hysterical. I finally got everything fitted on me and was given two not so plump pillows to fold in half and stuff in my pants to look like I had a big belly (that big belly looked pretty square at the bottom of my chest where the corners stuck out like sore thumbs). As I walked down the hall I was delighted to make so many children happy. I waved at some, hugged others, and wished them all a Merry Christmas as they all stared at me (and my fake belly) in awe. What a treat! Once I entered the classroom I was surrounded not by students but by giggles and pointing fingers. Yes, they knew it was me and YES I really looked ridiculous in my outfit but we all had a great time making fun of me. Once we all settled down I sat and began to read The Polar Express and added some of my own commentary to keep the kids smiling and to keep things silly. Once I finished I handed out bells to all the students and retreated to the office where I could change once again. I noticed a dramatic change as I was leaving though... my jolly belly had been reduced by sinking pillows and as I quickly made my way down the hall I ended up with thunder thighs as I was changing back into my uniform that I had arrived in. Fun was had by all... to say the least.

After all that excitement I returned back to the classroom. We hung out for a bit longer before Katie's colleagues told her not to stay another hour (when school would be out) and that they would watch her class for her. With that we went home and just relaxed for a little bit. I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful it felt to lie in a comfortable bed again and take a shower knowing that I wasn't fighting for hot water every second of the day.

We then went to Caleb's daycare to go pick him up for the day. The little man had no idea that he had a surprise, me, waiting when he came out. Katie went in to go pick him up and handed our video recorder to the owner of the daycare while I hid behind the door. The camera started rolling as soon as we heard Caleb and Katie talking and coming towards the door. As soon as he came through the door and saw me he went absolutely still and quiet and just stared at me. I about broke down but said instead, "Hi, Caleb. Its me. Remember your daddy?" As soon as I had said that he through his arms in my direction, climbed into my arms and gave me the second biggest hug of my life! Man, its good to be home! He then started talking to me about the stuffed dragon behind me hanging from the ceiling and anything else he could point out to me. I'm absolutely thrilled to see how much this boy has learned since I've been gone. He knows his ABCs, can count up to 10, speaks in full sentences (that Katie has to translate for me from time to time) and is more sociable and fun to be around. We all went home after that to enjoy a little bit of time together as a snowstorm was trying to bust down our front door.

To end the evening, we went to Salt Lake and had dinner with a bunch of Katie's colleagues and enjoyed their company and some great food at Johnny Corino's (an Italian restaurant). We enjoyed a wonderful family conversation on the drive home (while Caleb talked and watched his movie on the drop down DVD player) and ended the day by snuggling into bed... knowing full well that I could actually sleep in the following morning which I did.

Most of the days that followed were of all of us just hanging out at home and enjoying one another's company. If it wasn't that we were out eating dinner, enjoying massages (that we both happily needed) and watching movies. The first Tuesday back we left Caleb at our house with three girls that Katie had taught in her class in the past and had ourselves a great date. We went and got an hour long massage... that was absolute heaven. Afterwards, we made it to the theater just in time to catch Twilight. It was good and followed the story well enough but Katie and I talked about it on the way home and thought that the next movie in the series could use a much better director and make the story much more appealing. The movie lacked too much quality that the book had the acting really was subpar. It was a movie we had wanted to see though and we were happy to have watched it all the same. After arriving at home we left Caleb with David (Katie's brother who had flown in to stay with us for a month) and drove the girls back home. When we got back we were tired and ready to hit the sheets. Before I did I decided to check on Caleb and I'm very glad I did. During the time that he'd been sleeping he had turned his bottle over in bed and drenched his bed and himself in apple juice. Needless to say he was somewhat awake and pretty darn cold. I got him out of bed, at his protests, and changed him so he would get warm and took him to our room to sleep. Once comfortable again he settled down and quickly went to sleep again! Before going to bed, I stripped his bed and through everything into the washing machine to have it ready to be made in the morning.

Wednesday came and nearly ended without us having done much except, as usual, enjoy the company of family and make the best of my time at home. We went to the mall later in the afternoon where we bought a new GPS system for David for Christmas and stood in line for far too long so Caleb could see Santa. He was so excited to see him and had to find ways to keep an eye on him while we were in line. As we were about 5 or 10 minutes from getting to Santa, the little man finally crashed. It was nearly 4pm and well past his naptime. We tried waking him but he'd just nod off again. Once we got to Santa we had the video recorder rolling and woke Caleb up. Our excited boy became cranky and just started crying in Santa's lap. Santa was so sweet as he tried to talk with Caleb and settle him down, but to no avail. He also apologized about the super long line (we waited for nearly 2 hours) and we went home so Caleb could get a proper nap before we went out later in the evening. We started a new family tradition on Christmas Eve this year. Not only do we open our gifts of new pajamas on Christmas Eve but we decided that bowling would be another great diversion from Santa and restlessness the day before all the chaos hit home. We paid for two games and had a wonderful time with Caleb nearly beating everyone in his first game since he had gutter bumpers and we did a great job of aiming his ball each turn before he sent it sailing. Once we got home we went to get Caleb's bed made and Katie was very impressed with me when I showed her how to make the bed with hospital corners. It allows the sheets to be a bit snugger and a little harder to pull out from under the mattress during sleep. I'm just so happy to please and make her day any possible way that I can.

Christmas morning brought all of us lots of surprises and fun as we sat around the Christmas tree watching each other open gifts. Caleb received a lot of books and was elated to have gotten Horton Hear's a Who, Wall-E and Kung Fu Panda on DVD. He got some stocking goodies and immediately went to immersing himself in chocolate wrappers and shoving as much chocolate into his belly before breakfast. He was an absolute hoot. Katie received some books and a personalized heart with a message that I had inscribed on it basically telling her what I meant to her and how much she has done for me. I love her to death but thats no secret! ;) David got a stocking full of goodies and was happy with that and was more than happy to see what we all got. He made Katie's Christmas by getting us a combined present (mostly for Katie though) that would allow Katie to not have to worry about doing one of many chores around the house while I'm away. He got us a Roomba (now named Rosie) and she has happily vacuumed every floor in the house that Katie has put her in. Its pure entertainment seeing Katie's eyes sparkle with glee at that gift and to watch Caleb feed it goodies as it swept it all up under the vacuum and Dezi run around in fear trying to avoid another machine that she doesn't fully understand and just being a cute little coward at heart anyway. =) I got some movies, books and a stocking full of goodies too (as well as some other wonderful surprises) but was elated to find out that I had been spoiled by Santa by getting a Nintendo Wii. There was nothing had but fun for the rest of the day since that was the last gift opened. We played Super Mario Party 8, Mario Kart, Wii Sports and eventually went out and splurged a bit more by getting the Wii Fit and an exercise game for Katie and a Zelda game for me. What an awesome day... too bad it all ended all too fast.

The rest of the holiday started flying after that since one week had already passed. We spent all our time with one another making the most of the time we had. Katie's dad came to stay with us for a few days along with his two younger children (one angel and one hellion) and we enjoyed a family get together for the Birch family in Centerville.

The last few days came and we weren't too excited about my departure looming over us. I must say though that I couldn't have been happier enjoying my two weeks at home and enjoying the company of my family that had missed me and I them for way too long. If you want to know more about the departure please read Katie's blog about that final day.

I do want my family to know that I love them with all of my heart and miss them terribly. We all know that what I'm doing will pay off in the long run and be very beneficial to the family once I get back home and find a better job than the one I'd left behind to join the Army. Three months is a very long time but will probably come and go in no time and I will get to rejoin my sweet little family back in Utah and not have to worry about going anywhere in the near future and they won't have to worry about me disappearing on them either. That day will be another sweet reunion that I look forward to but, until then, I remain focused here in San Antonio so I can pass my classes and prepare myself for my future while I eventually return home, provide for my family and prepare for all of our futures in the comfortable and wonderful confines of my own home surrounded by those that I love and that love me in return.